What The Hell Am I Doing Here?
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Saturday, December 6, 2003 |
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Dept. of Fog (War division)
Did the DIA just all go on vacation or something? Or did the U.S. Army leave its phrasebooks in Qatar?
We're supposed to be winning hearts and minds, not blowing the crap out of them! |
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Dept. of Dick Is Unwell F.D.A. Approves Johnson's Schizophrenia Drug. F.D.A. APPROVES JOHNSON'S SCHIZOPHRENIA DRUG. [New York Times: Business] I had no idea a Johnson could be Schizophrenic. I guess doing all that thinking for the big head takes its toll on a member.
I do know a couple of 'em that have Multiple Personality Disorder- they're all "I love you" at night and then a whole different person in the morning. |
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Friday, December 5, 2003 |
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Dept. of Victories
Hey, good for her!! Nice to see a win for the good guys. Though it should be noted that the school districts has yet to apologize to Amanda Blair, the girl that brought another girl as her date to the homecoming dance and was met by sheriff's deputies.
But Kris Blair, Amanda's mother, said her family and the ACLU believe the school board should approve a written policy or practice on the matter. C'mon Weldon, give it up and say you're sorry for being a pinheaded little Prairie Nazi!
Props to Spatula for the linkage. |
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Dept. of Social Science
I'm not! YAY!
You have an impressive understanding of the world for an American. It is likely that you feel intellectually isolated in your home country, and often have to hide your opinions from others. Deep down, you realise that your country is the single biggest threat to world peace in modern times, but you have not yet summoned up the courage to emigrate.
Props to juliebeth for linkage. |
Are all Americans stupid?|
Dept. of Tricksters No surprise here, as it's my official spirit guide!
I picked the raven as the animal most like me, though.
Does a good job of describing me, especially the negatives. Or, as a detractor once said of me- "You're a loud and vulgar little woman!" |
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Dept. of Awe I love Peter Murphy's work- all his panoramas have multiple stories to tell within their frames.
2:55:33 PM  leave/read comments []
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Here an "aerial" view of the Reading Room of the Mitchell Library yesterday. |
Dept. of Mine Is Bigger
....that it has a bigger, more powerful phallic symbol.
Space Exploration Technologies (SpaceX) unveiled its Falcon launch vehicle Thursday night as the company announced plans to develop a larger version. SpaceX put the vehicle on public display for the first time outside the National Air and Space Museum in Washington.
So that's what the kids are calling it nowadays?!? |
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Dept. of Members Only
I love its "says what it does; does what it says" name:
In their paper, the scientists name the creature Colymbosathon ecplecticos, which they say means swimmer with a large penis. Funny, we called the only kid at camp with a pair of Speedos that. Interestingly enough, our ancient little dude received the world's first spam, probably having something to do with this:
Colymbosathon, he said, was not remarkable among its group of crustaceans, the ostracodes. Some have copulatory organs one-third the length of their bodies, he said, and some produce sperm 10 times the length of their bodies. Colymbosathon is more modest; its penis was less than a fifth of its body length.
LARGER S Hr IMP MËm BER TODÄY! gdp;45fpre5e& |
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Thursday, December 4, 2003 |
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Dept. of Pals
Click the photo to make it BiG. |
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Dept. of Liquid Gold
Trouble in Scotland over mother's milk for grownups:
1. British distillers Diageo have sent shockwaves through the austere world of scotch whisky distillers by announcing that they are to relaunch their Cardhu single malt as - heaven forbid - a pure malt. A semantic argument of little significance, you may think, but this is no trifling matter for the Scotch Whisky Association, which today met amid concerns that the move could confuse consumers and undermine public confidence in the entire industry. Oh, but that's not all! The government of the United States has some, uh, questions:
One small distillery - Bruichladdich, on the island of Islay - was recently under surveillance on suspicion of producing WMD. Whiskies of mass destruction? Not quite. The distillery managers decided to install webcams at their site to show internet surfers their traditional production processes. The US defence threat reduction agency took a peek and thought the whole thing looked dodgy - and suddenly Islay was on Washington's list as a potential terrorist threat. The Scotsman has the full story.
Between this and the FDA ban on real camembert cheese, I weep, weep, weep for my country. |
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Dept. of Holiday
Nothing says "Happy Holidays" like a lawsuit from a trade group of Megacorporations.
"There's been no indication that the campaign has led to any decrease in file sharing, so if that's the goal of the RIAA, then they don't appear to be having the effect they want," said Jason Schultz, an attorney with the Electronic Frontier Foundation. "In the meantime, more American families have to deal with lawsuits invading their lives.
Now, who was it that stole Christmas? |
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Dept. of The Starbuck That Isn't Heinous
Sounds cool.
The original Cylons aren't too happy, tho'. |
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Dept. of Maroons
FAITH, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel. Crop circles called out of teens' league Paranormal SWAT team won't rule out alien authorship
Two weeks -- and hundreds of souvenir T-shirts -- later, four unnamed teenage boys 'fessed up, saying they cut the circles as a hoax because, well, it's boring in Fairfield and "there's nothing else to do around here," as one put it. Even though the Solano County district attorney didn't buy their confession, the story disappeared with the harvest. Who are these "experts?"
Led and funded by Fairfield resident Steve Moreno, a kitchen contractor who became devoted to exploring the paranormal after a near-death car wreck 20 years ago... Two words for ya Steve: Brain. Damage. Two more words:
Occam's Razor. |
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Dept. of Smoke And Mirrors
President Bush's Baghdad turkey was for looking, not for eating. What a perfect metaphor for his entire administration. "I offer you.....NOTHING BUT EMPTY GESTURES!"
He then waved them on to their senseless deaths. |
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Dept. of Mysteries
Jealous of Jim. He got to see Jandek On Corwood last night. The lucky gus. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous.
Everything there is to know about Jandek can be found here. |
I am jealous.|
Dept. of Stating The Obvious Quick! Go to Google and put "miserable failure" in the text box and then click on "I'm feeling lucky."
The oracle does not lie. |
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Dept. of Bleech
It doesn't even have the decency to snow. |
Ugh. December in Nebraska.|
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Wednesday, December 3, 2003 |
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Dept. of Goodnight, Blog
Click on the photo to make it BiG. |
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Dept. of The Man Keeps Hassling Me!
Poor Kooshi, he just keeps gettin' dissed by his neighbors and now The Man.
An Israeli cat has been banned from circulating freely in the stairwell of a suburban Tel Aviv apartment building, apparently because its jet black color was frightening the residents. The Man be tryin' to keep Kooshi down, but the Brother ain't havin' none of that shit.
Fight the POWER!!!!! |
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Dept. of A Maggie And The Night Visitors
Big one, too. At least as big as Bob.
Wish I'd gotten a better photo- he had this great face- white with little round grey ears and a grey nose. Not afraid of my flashlight nor the flash from the camera, but he (or she- hard to sex a possum at a distance and at night) scooted off as soon as I opened the door. Maybe next time. |
We done had a possum stop by the birdfeeder!|
Dept. of Freaky Cool Stuff
Wow, how amazing is this homebuilt Florida private pyramid? Hella amazing. It's not just a cool artifact, it's construction was practically magic.
he massive coral slab door at the entrance to the castle is so perfectly engineered that it can be swung open with just a light, one-finger push. The builder worked after sundown and didn't tell anyone how he moved the massive block of coral or how he engineered them to work flawlessly with each other.
I'm just gonna go with magic, because any sufficiently advanced science is indistinguishable from magic. And I like magic. |
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Dept. of Going To DELL In An Assbasket
Dell won't help customers remove spyware. Dell has issued a memo to its tech-support staff, telling them not to help Dell customers remove spyware from their systems, because it "may conflict with user license agreements of other applications installed on your system." I.e., Dell has decided that its duty to its users is superceded by its duty to upholding "contracts" that you "sign" when you click on the I Agree button after downloading this app or that, contracts in which you promise to allow spyware to be installed on your machine, and promise not to try to remove it. Nice one, Dell. 5:49:21 PM leave/read comments []
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BoingBoing has alerted us to more Corporate Asshattery:|
Dept. of Naughty, Naughty Boys
Worst. Blowjob. Ever.
The victim, 43-year-old Bernd-Jurgen Brandes, answered the advert in March 2001. Teen guilty of 'body parts' murder. A teenager is convicted of murder in the savage killing and dismembering of a 14-year-old schoolboy. [BBC News | News Front Page | UK Edition] Couldn't these kids just get drunk, screw and chunder like the rest of the world?
During the trial, the jury was told that Adam Morrell, 14, suffered more than 280 injuries to his body during an assault that lasted hours in November 2002.
How about we introduce the kids to Herr Meiwes and send them off on a weenie roast? |
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Dept. of Unemployed Nuts
Here's a tip for Adam or anyone else considering a vasectomy: After the big snip, whatever you do, don't go whitewater rafting. And for Ghod's sake, if you do and you, you know, open the sack accidentally, don't wash it out with vodka and tape it back together with duct tape. You'll regret it. Trust me on this. |
Our pal |
Dept. of I Smell The Foul Odor Of Miledacity
The Bush administration is so reflexively mendacious that they lie about things that don't even matter, just to spiff up a story.
The Bush White House has a curious habit of embellishing their accounts of the President's activities. Recounting President Bush's trip to Iraq this past week, White House Communications Director Dan Bartlett told journalists of an unexpected encounter between Air Force One and a British Airways flight. Now, British Airways pilots say the incident never happened.
Oh for Chrissake. Hey kids, this isn't a Georgetown cocktail party, it's like, you know, The Government and all. |
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Tuesday, December 2, 2003 |
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Dept. of Plunder And Discard
Michael Robertson's attempts to save the million-song music archive of the company he founded, MP3.com, appear to have been unsuccessful. The MP3.com domain was bought by CNET, and Vivendi Universal had warned that the plug would be pulled. Asshats. Asshats. Asshats.
In other news, Vivendi offered to buy the Iraq Museum in Baghdad. |
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Dept. of Intemperate Remarks
The head mouse may or may not have really shot his mouth off:
In an hour-long interview with LA Times on Monday departing Disney board members Disney and Gold, Gold claimed that 'Eisner called him and others -- including Pixar Chairman Steve Jobs -- 'Shiite Muslims,' according to The Drudge Report: "Gold took that to mean that Eisner believed his critics were extreme in their views. [However] a company spokeswoman said Eisner 'categorically denies' calling anyone a 'Shiite Muslim.'"
Well, no one can accuse him of trying to blow Sunni shine up anyone's skirt. |
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Dept. of G.A.S.
Ohhhhhh, surfalicious Fenders!!!
Wipeout! |
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Dept. of Something Fishy BoingBoing keeps us updated on the Naked Lady Sushi story:
Naked sushi in Seattle update. Our pornpals at DazeReader say:Link (thanks, Invisible Cowgirl)
Ah, the power of the Internet. |
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Dept. of Non-Scottish Things
As one of Myers' old characters would say: "If it's not Scottish; IT'S CRAP!!!!"
The Cat In The Hat: definitely not Scottish. |
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Dept. of Dispatches
This alone makes me think it might be a good idea:
The Israeli Government has rejected the Geneva plan - the Palestinian Authority has given it only lukewarm support. If two of the most contentious regimes in recent history think its a bad idea, then it's prolly a pretty good one. Let's look at the main points-
GENEVA ACCORD: MAIN POINTS Nobody gets everything they want, except peace. I still think that Jerusalem should be declared a city for all the world and put under U.N. control, but there's no way in Hell that the fundamentalists of the world will let that happen.
The Geneva Accord Explained |
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Dept. of Even More Trendy Technocrap To Keep Up With
OK, I lied. I can wait.
New mobile hacking blog. Rael Dornfest -- inventor of Blosxom, editor of the O'Reilly Hacks series -- has started a new blog called MobileWhack, where he's keeping track of sexy/weird crap you can do with cellphones. 4:05:04 PM leave/read comments []
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I can hardly wait for "Paris Hilton's Sexy Mobile Tips."|
NY Times looks at future of downloadable music. A new E-Commerce Report penned by Bob Tedeschi in The New York Times looks at the future of downloadable music from the iTunes Music Store and other services. Now that Apple has proven that commercial online music downloads are a viable business, Music at your fingertips, and a battle among the sellers examines some of the trends that experts think are headed our way in the years to come. [MacCentral] The first two paragraphs nails the main reason I use Gnutella:
COMING to a music download store in 2004: Yo-Yo Ma's Shostakovich Quartet No. 15 and Bob Dylan's second show at Amsterdam.
Exactly. There's lot of stuff out there that I'd love to have, but for which there isn't a commercial distribution outlet. |
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Dept. of "Scooter Sez"
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Monday, December 1, 2003 |
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Dept. of Way Out Space Nuts
Hummmm...wonder what it could have been?
The source of an odd noise heard on the International Space Station last week, but project officials said it was unlikely caused by a collision with a piece of orbital debris. The sound, which ISS astronaut Michael Foale compared to the crunching of a tin can, was heard by Foale and Alexander Kaleri early Wednesday, November 26.
Ah, frat boys in space. |
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Dept. of Mr. Rogers' Solar System
As to how similar, there remain a number of significant questions. For instance, it has yet to be determined if there is any decent Chinese takeout there.
Astronomers scanning the skies for far-flung planets have found that the area surrounding a nearby star is very familiar. A report published in the current issue of the Astrophysical Journal suggests that Vega, located 25 light-years away from our sun, may have an orbiting planetary system that is more similar to our own than is any other yet discovered.
The ESA has plans to launch a satellite that can detect extra-solar door hung menus. |
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Dept. of Trusts A reminder of wassup with the world.
11:38:29 PM leave/read comments []
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Dept. of Lucy Will See You Now
American high school students in Seoul are overdosing on cough syrup. [Nippon Goro Goro] Wow! Turns out that that little bottle of Robitussin in my medicine chest is a discount trip to see the girl with kaleidoscope eyes!
According to a study by Johns Hopkins University, dextromethorphan causes a high described as a state of separation from the environment or an out-of-body experience. Hallucinations, along with vivid dreams involving vision and sounds, can occur. Woohoo!
Screw the extra-strength Motrin, I'm gonna be chuggin' cough syrup! |
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Dept. of Robotech Tokyo University Develops Flexible Artificial Skin for Robot [Nikkei BP ] The University of Tokyo's Institute of Industrial Science (IIS) has developed an electronic artificial skin material that can be flexed and contoured into shape.
Cool! It looks like C-3PO's!
ow. |
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Dept. of Distractions
I'm too tired to do much today. Not to mention that it hurts like a sonofabeetch to sit at the computer. Somehow, I pulled a muscle in my abdomen or something and every time I move it feels like I'm getting stabbed in the gut. Not fun. At all.
So, happy 2nd anniversary iPod! Enjoy the six-page article while I try to figure out a way to not wince in pain every ten seconds. |
  2:16:43 AM leave/read comments []
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Amid Dying Towns of Rural Plains, One Makes a Stand. Towns across the Great Plains have been losing people for 70 years. As they struggle to stay alive, most are losing hope as well. By Timothy Egan. [New York Times: NYT HomePage]
Turns out, I'm not the only one in Nebraska asking what the hell am I doing here. |
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Sunday, November 30, 2003 |
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Dept. of Reptiles And Rodents
Eisner responded by swallowing a rat and sunning himself on top of Disneyland's Matterhorn. |
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Dept. of Vision Impaired Administrations
Once again, the Bush administration pisses away an opportunity to actually do something good for the country. Instead, we get more of the same; a bunch of money funneled to crony contractors, to maintain obsolete systems that support dead-end programs that are funded to fail. Another notch on the bedpost of shame for Dubya and Co..
A proposed new "vision" for the US space program current being developed by the Bush administration will offer little change from current policy, the Orlando Sentinel reported Sunday. That report based its conclusion on analysis of internal NASA documents the newspaper obtained as well as interviews with people familiar with the administration's ongoing space policy review. The report said there are no plans for a bold new initiative, such as human missions to the Moon or Mars. Instead, the focus is on existing programs, including return the shuttle to flight, completing the International Space Station, and developing the Orbital Space Plane. The proposed new space policy would also offer no significant increase in NASA's $15-billion budget; existing programs could experience near-term cuts to pay for the costs of the shuttle return to flight program.
There's just enough money for NASA to buy a nice rope with which to hang themselves. |
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Dept. of The Sky Is FALLING!!!
Oh. My. God. Look at the SIZE of that headline! Did we just declare war on Karjackistan by shooting off some big-ass cannon called the "Solich?" No.
The local university just fired its football coach. Apparently, this means war. |
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Dept. of ZZZZZs
Paris Hilton's been wearing the Barbie one full-time for months now. It goes, like, so well with her extensions. |
Last update: 9/21/07; 1:49:34 AM .
